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Kylie recently asked me to do a guest post for Christ Centered Girls and at first, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to write about. Until just now, I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to write about. But I believe now I have found the words and I really hope that whoever you are, you can find some encouragement through this short article. Thanks for coming on this journey with me!
First, let’s start with a little introduction and backstory. I’ll try not to give you my whole life in detail, but I can’t make any promises 😉
I am the second child out of seven and I am 19 years old. My Mom home schooled me and my siblings our whole lives and I moved around a lot as a kid because my Dad was in the military. I was born in Utah, but I’ve lived in Massachusetts, Ohio, Alaska, Idaho, and currently Indiana. So I’m kind of from all over but I consider my “home” Idaho because I’ve lived there for the majority of my life and I have nearly all my friends there, including my boyfriend.
I have been a writer since I learned how to write and I have made up tons of stories and tried to get them down on paper. In addition to that I also write a quarterly magazine called Every Girl’s Adventure, and I run two blogs: a personal one called Girl on Fire (Hunger Games reference), and one for my magazine of the same name. I also do some magazine work here for Kylie, as well as writing for The King’s Princess and Crown of Beauty. So, I keep pretty busy with writing. I am also going to college at Boise State University for a BA in Communications for Journalism. This fall will be my freshman year though…
In the free time that I can find, I love to read any book I can get my hands on and I also love to play the piano and have been playing for five years now.
That’s pretty much a short little summary about me. There’s a lot of potential topics that I could talk about, but I’ve decided to just talk about what’s been going on in my life recently because it’s such a roller coaster. So get ready, this could be long 😉
I’ll cut straight to the chase. My parents got divorced the last few months of 2016. And it’s kind of strange to me because I always looked at divorce as something that happened to “other” families, but not something that could ever happen to mine. I thought that my parents were rooted in God so much that nothing like that would ever happen; I thought that He would hold us together and fix whatever problems my parents had. But He didn’t. This brought a whole bunch of changes in my life and the lives of my family. We (my siblings and I) had to move with our mom from our home in Idaho out here to Indiana. I had to leave behind all my friends and everything I cared about. And I knew that when we got here that my family was going to fall apart.
Those first few days when mom told me about the divorce and what was going to happen, I couldn’t stop crying. I wouldn’t have many left. Everything that I thought was a concrete thing in my life had just turned out to be just another future that wouldn’t happen. Every good plan that Mom and Dad had for us was suddenly gone. And I never knew that a person could miss something that had never happened. But you can. My life was so uncertain, and that scared me. I like being in control; I like being able to solve the problems and fix everything. But here was something that was impossible for me to fix.
Now, I want you to understand something: this is actually my first time ever writing about this. I am a little nervous, to be honest. I haven’t really discussed this with anyone outside my best friend and my boyfriend, so to be writing this down for a lot of people who I don’t know to read is a little scary. But I have been learning about courage this year, so why not write something that scares me ☺
I’m also not writing this for you to feel bad for me or to wallow in my own self-pity. This has a point, I promise ☺
I find it so interesting how it’s the times when we feel at our lowest, when we can’t imagine how things could ever go back to the way they were, that our eyes are opened to see how truly faithful the God we serve is. God is amazing! There has never been a time in my life when I have felt so broken, when I feel the loss of people I love so much that it actually hurts, when my future is uncertain and I’m not sure where to go. But there has also never been a time when I have seen Christ so clearly and have felt Him any stronger than I feel Him with me now.
I felt like everything was falling apart, but I can see now that the whole time He had a hold of me.
I never believed I was smart enough for college. But I passed the ACT test with a fairly high score and I got accepted to Boise State. I want to move back to Mountain Home (where I’m from) but I was so discouraged about the money. The day after I prayed and asked God to provide me a job, I got called for an interview and hired the next day. The day I gave up on looking for a relationship, He brought the best man I have ever met into my life who loves God more than anything. And none of that could’ve ever happened if it weren’t for God. There’s no way all of those pieces could have fallen into place on their own because of anything I did. God has shown me time and time again within these past few months that He always has the best plan for me. That what I want might not always happen, but He always has something better.
I’m not through this trial yet. My family is still really struggling and I haven’t had any contact with my Dad since December 23rd. I don’t have my future steps planned out, nor do I have everything under control. But I have learned that when everything seems to be falling apart, I am not. When my family is breaking, I am not broken. When I’m not strong enough to handle all the stress and emotions, God is strong enough. And when I can’t see what the future has for me, God already has it planned out. And I have to trust Him. He has never given up on me or failed me yet, why would He now?
The entirety of this little article can be summed up in this: when you are going through too much to handle, when you feel like you are broken beyond repair, when you stare at the things that could have been as they slip through your fingers, and when you are bowing under the weight of fear, don’t let it win. You have no idea how strong you can really be or how great your faith is until you’re really tested. Pick yourself up, dare to look fear in the eyes, fix your crown, and remember Whose you are. If He sees every sparrow that falls, you can bet everything you have that He sees you. And I promise you, He will never desert you.
Find your faith, seize your courage, and call on your Father. It isn’t always easy, but it is always worth the journey.
You can find Bethany’s blog/magazine over at: https://everygirlsadventure.wordpress.com/